growing up.

the past few days i’ve been kind of sick of myself. i feel so whiny, like such a little kid. a lot of different thoughts have crossed my mind and all of them can be classified as being selfish, whiny, and child like. i have to keep reminding myself the difference between needs and wants. there are so many things i would like to have for myself and ashley and we aren’t able to get. i’d like to get a new bass, or mine fixed even, a new recording device, ashley a new computer, better cell phones that actually work. i want all these things and at this particular time they just aren’t accessible. between what we make and bills we have just enough to live. and this i should be happy about, and i am, but of course all of those wants creep back in and make me upset again.

what i should be thinking instead of being pissed off is that we have our own place, that we have jobs, and that we can pay our bills. i know we’re both still young and it’s going to take time to get where we went, but for some reason i am being incredibly impatient. there are just so many things i think ashley even deserves that we can’t supply. and most of all i want to go away for awhile, to an actual honeymoon that we never got to take. and like i said, i’m just being whiny. eventually i take a deep breath and keep putting one foot in front of the other. because one thing i’ve learned is that you’ll never get anywhere standing still.

i think i’m paranoid.

man, i wish i remembered to write in this more. right now ashley and i are down here in owosso to visit and also for kevin’s high school graduation tomorrow, and then on monday my little brother is going to be sworn in as a marine. i congratulate him and wish him luck on his future journey. on a much more somber note a close friend and family member passed away last night. JR’s (ashley’s step father) left us last night. for the past 10 years he’s been fighting cancer and he’s no longer suffering. while it makes me sad that he is gone i am happy to know that he isn’t hurting anymore.

today was a really busy day. we went to flint to shop and we also shopped here in town for a variety of things. i got a new pair of dress pants, some Macbeth shoes, and a sweet new pair of shades. and ashley got a new black shirt while still looking for a new outfit for tomorrow (which we’re going to pick up in the morning). i got to see my sister and my niece summer, so that was pretty nice. summer’s getting really big. i’m really proud of her. she’s almost five and can do a lot of things i wouldn’t expect a four year to do. but anyways folks, i’m off.

i’ve been here, before, a few times.

i’ve had the last two days off and it’s been pretty nice. got some productivity out of it. my first day off i cleaned the apartment, did some dishes, and all things fun like that. and today i picked up a little more and made a phone call to one of my loan companies and got some things straightened out with them to get it in deferment for a few months until we get back on our feet and stabilized a little. i’m applying for a position here at the hospital to become a phlebotomist (sp?). i’ve been thinking about going into the medical field for a few years. while i was still in school i was thinking about going into radiology but the department only accepted 7 students a year, so i did the HVAC thing. now i know drawing blood isn’t taking x-rays but in my past i’ve dealt with them a lot and they’ve always been great.

i guess i should back up a few days and let you now why i’m applying for a job here. well obviously were living here until at least the first of november due to our lease but we’ve thought about it and decided moving to marquette right away might not be the best idea. we want to get settled a little more as far as bills go and moving right away might not be the best idea. as much as we dislike the sault we figured another year or two won’t be so bad. with the new wal mart going up it’ll make use feel a little more at home, for those of you who know us you know why. but i’m also hoping to get this position so i can use it as experience to one day go back to marquette and work.

twenty two years, and a day.

yesterday was my birthday and it indeed was a pretty good one. ashley had to work at two but we got to have some lunch together so i was really excited about that. with her working evenings lately we don’t get to see each other much so each little moment is nice. sounds sappy, i know, get over it. we went out when ashley got out of work with some friends and had a good time and i’m pretty sure i fell asleep around 4 am, but i can’t be sure. all around, double deuce birthday was good. on a much more somber note my birthday reminds me a much more sad event. today marks a 9 year anniversary of my fathers passing away. i really miss him and often wonder what my life would have been like with him in it. a lot of how i got to where i am today was by his advice. he once told me to go a trade school and be an electrician or a plumber, close. i went to a college and became an HVAC/R technician. he then told me to find someone i wanted to spend the rest of my life with and hold on to her. i met ashley and am very happy. so here is to you dad, i love and miss you.

currently i am broken. my left thumb is both very bruised and beat up. the rope to my extending ladder slipped in my right hand on friday causing it to come crashing down on my left thumb. not being able to use your thumb is a pain, those of you who have broken your thumb or something like that know what i am talking about. but so far work is good. still have a job and getting all the expierience i can. marquette has been beconing me to come back and i want to be prepared as possible.

and now, here is a wishlist i have started thinking about. if anyone chooses to get me these items i will love to the end of time.

Mac Mini – Subaru Outback – Dewalt Impact Driver – A Working Thumb –

the snow falls on us.

happy thanksgiving to all reading this.

last night ashley and i decided to go out to the bar and meet up with some people. none the less we all had a good time, walked home, fell about 15 times and fell asleep while the gradual feeling of spinning was around me.

but i woke up and went to thanksgiving dinner. it was very tasty and quite enjoyable as a thanksgiving dinner should be. but of course i was a little achy and had a headache. that’ll happen when you fall a lot. but oh well. i came home, took two ibuprofen and chilled out while watching ‘return of the king’. i have yet to still finish it but i’ve recently started watching them again. i’ve only seen them once before. ashley’s cousin scott is home from the air force so he came over and chilled out for a few hours.

and on to music. i’ve learn to play power chords, and it’s entertaining. i love it. it’s so easy but it sounds good and is a lot of fun. i found a new band the other day called ‘all time low’ and they’re a pop punk band (see blink-182 and fall out boy). They did a cover of rihanna’s ‘umbrella’ and it sounds pretty good. my chemical romance has updated their website from the black parade days to something new. go check it out.

flip side.

everything.

that title pretty much represents it all. i have a shit ton on my mind and i’m gonna write it down for all of you to see because i am more than sure that most of you wonder whats on my mind. sha-right.

first stop is music. i want to write music. lyrics, bass lines and that’s it. i can’t play a guitar so i’m not going there. i own a mac, have garageband, so the stage is set for putting my ideas to the floor but something is stopping me. i think everything i write either looks stupid or the lines sound like shit. i’m not a great singer but i do that anyways because it’s fun. i’ll keep pressing on but any ideas woud help immensly.

second is the apartment, i love it. it’s our own space, we just got internet and cable today. so i am super psyched about that. right now i’m watching LA Ink, which brings me to my next subject.

tattoos. right now i am looking at getting two more to the one i have currently. the first i am more serious about than the other. the first would be a set of the big 70’s style headphones probably colored blue and grey. so that i would love to get back in marquette at impaled but i wouldn’t mind it too much if i got it here in the sault. the other is a work in progress starting 30 minutes ago. the word ‘marquette’ stretching from across one side of my ribs, front to back. not 100% sure on it, because obviously, i’ve just though about it.

the last is working out. i need to whoop myself into shape. i don’t like the way i look, so i am going to start running and doing some other work outs. again, any ideas would be awesome. basically i want to keep it simple, like running, push ups, sit ups etc. maybe some meal ideas as well.