the past few days i’ve been kind of sick of myself. i feel so whiny, like such a little kid. a lot of different thoughts have crossed my mind and all of them can be classified as being selfish, whiny, and child like. i have to keep reminding myself the difference between needs and wants. there are so many things i would like to have for myself and ashley and we aren’t able to get. i’d like to get a new bass, or mine fixed even, a new recording device, ashley a new computer, better cell phones that actually work. i want all these things and at this particular time they just aren’t accessible. between what we make and bills we have just enough to live. and this i should be happy about, and i am, but of course all of those wants creep back in and make me upset again.
what i should be thinking instead of being pissed off is that we have our own place, that we have jobs, and that we can pay our bills. i know we’re both still young and it’s going to take time to get where we went, but for some reason i am being incredibly impatient. there are just so many things i think ashley even deserves that we can’t supply. and most of all i want to go away for awhile, to an actual honeymoon that we never got to take. and like i said, i’m just being whiny. eventually i take a deep breath and keep putting one foot in front of the other. because one thing i’ve learned is that you’ll never get anywhere standing still.
i am chad. 